defeat is when
pings and pangs on the window sill
great cataclysms, burning, undistilled
a strike of lightning briefly shows
what we wonder but never know
winds snaking through the cracks
another sign we mustn’t go back
recalling now that sordid place
with death writ large across your face
a time so ghastly, unworthy of history
best left to rot into an archivist’s mystery
Of Rob Ford’s Tumor “Conspiracy”
The Yellow Shit Road of Rob Ford’s mayoralty took yet another twist when it was announced that he has a tumour in his abdomen. As of writing, this gives Ford about 24 hours to pull out of the race and get his name off the ballot. Doug Ford, the mayor’s brother, campaign manager and chief apologist, is said to be giving an update on his brother’s political life later today.
For now, Twitter, our communal wailing wall, has begun to spin the theory that this is all a hoax: That Rob is fine - he’s losing weight after all! - and that this is one big conspiracy by the Fords to gain sympathy and then votes in a time where the people are moving in droves to John Tory.
While the Fords might be devious enough to conduct such a scheme, I don’t think they have wherewithal to carry out such a complex plan that would have to involve several staff members at Humber hospital as well as countless other auxiliaries. The only thing that gives this theory any shred of credence is the absurdity of this entire situation to begin with.
In mid-September with an election looming in a little over a month, Rob Ford, a human sinkhole, coughs up another surprise: a tumour. The “experts” always saw the “Rob Ford Death Scenario” as being on as a result of the drugs and alcohol he put in his system. You can see here where the conspiracy theories can blossom.
Interestingly enough, it’s the Fords who fancy themselves conspiracy theorists. Earlier this year, Doug Ford accused the Toronto Police of being in the tank for John Tory and that was why they were investigating his brother’s activities. Most have been the general "the left is out to get us" theories.
My opinion is that Rob Ford’s tumour is real, and while unexpected, fits snugly in this tragicomedy. However, I do not doubt the Fords will (assuming Rob stays in) exploit this in every way possible. In recent weeks, we’ve already seen Rob using his stint in rehab as a part of a broader “comeback” narrative. He speaks very passionately about looking in the mirror and being disgusted with what he saw in the face looking back at him.
(This omits, of course, that Ford never went to rehab until new videos of crack smoking, lewd comments and anti-gay bigotry surfaced after saying several times before that he had a “come to Jesus moment.”)
So I wish the mayor well. Whatever this tumour is, may it be benign. May he carry out a long, happy life doing something other than being mayor of Toronto. But don’t for a second think that it is beneath the Fords to exploit this medical crisis for political gain.
Last night we saw an appropriately contrite Doug Ford take the podium and say that politics can wait. Let us hope he sticks to that.
Anonymous said: Have sex with me
But I’m lé tired.
if peace is real
it’s in the drops
that run down
Love this except where you’re ragging on Choose Your Own Adventure books! >:/ I loved those when I was growing up! Lolz :D
I read one and hated it. They kept killing Optimus Prime.
In Defense of College Football
Author’s Note: This pretty much a rehash of a twitter rant/essay from the other day.